Just a few thoughts on long distance relationships

“Love isn’t always easy. It’s hard work, and trust, and tears, and even a glimpse of devastation. But at the end of each day, if you can still look at the person at your side and can’t imagine anybody else you’d rather have there, the pain, heartache, and the ups and downs of love are worth it.” 

Wow. Relationships are hard, and tricky, and scary. But being in love is wonderful, and remarkable, and leaves you feeling emotions you didn’t even know existed.

Relationships are hard, long distance relationships? Before I was in one, I didn’t get how people did it. Now that I am in one, I still don’t get how people do it. That shit is hard. And I’m only six hours aways from my boyfriend.

For me, the worst of being in a long distance relationship is the struggle of when your boyfriend/girlfriend is having a hard day or going through a tough time and you can’t be there physically to cheer them up or try and lift their mood. And I miss the little things, being able to hang out at home watching TV, or having a study date at the kitchen table, or one of us reading while the other plays a video game. Just being able to be together while doing normal every day things. Getting to celebrate after they pass a big exam, or get a promotion at work. Being able to cook dinner together and hit the gym together. Just all the little things you don’t really think of, the things you take for granted when you are together all the time.

Communication. Ask anybody in a relationship, communication is key. And sometimes that can be hard when a lot of your communitcation is texting throughout most of the day. It can be tough when you both are on different schedules, or in different time zones. Texting can be tricky because it’s so easy to misread, misinterpret, or misunderstand what the other person meant to say.  That’s where feelings can get hurt, arguments can get started, and annoyance begins. Being on different schedules is hard when one person wakes up early and goes to bed early, and one stays up late and sleeps in. When one is in school and work and one is just working. When one is working nights and sleeping during the day, when one always works weekends and one is always off. It can be hard.

Trust. Trust is a big one too. There really is no relationship without trust, especially in a long distance relationship. You have to have trust when you boyfriend/girlfriend is miles and miles away, making friends that you don’t know, new job, new neighbors, new place. Unconditional trust is a must.

Make time for each other. Set aside times to talk on the phone or FaceTime, set dates to visit and take turns traveling to see each other. Involve one another in each other lives, explain who the new people in your life are, share you day at the end of the night, fit each other into your schedule. Remember that you love one another and you CHOSE to do long distance. Don’t give up the minute things get hard.

Apologize. Apologize when your wrong, in the wrong, or did something wrong. Sometimes you have to apologize even when you feel like you shouldn’t.  Learn when to let your wall down, when to stop being stubborn, learn to forgive. Move past the small stuff, remember what matters.

And always always always remind each other how much you love each other. Send messages, and leave notes, send packages. It doesn’t always have to be a big grand jester. It’s usually the thought that counts.

But long distance relationships are not impossible, hundreds of people are in them every single day. You can make it work, if you want to. If you put in the work, and the time, and the effort. And its worth it. There was a quote from an episode of How I Met Your Mother that Marshall said to his friend who was about to get married, “Being a couple is hard, and committing, making sacrifices.. It’s hard. But if it’s the right person then it’s easy. Looking at that girl (or boy) and knowing she’s all you really want outta life, that should be the easiest thing in the world. And if it’s not like that, she’s not the one.” And I think that’s a beautiful thought. Wether you’ve been in your relationship for a month, or a year, or eight years, you should look at you boyfriend/girlfriend and know they are who you want to be with. The one you can’t wait to come home to. The person you run to about the good things and the bad things. Your very best friend.

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