It’s been a long time..

When I started up my blog over the summer I was so excited! Starting a blog was something I had been wanting to do for a very long time, just never got around to it and made too many excuses. So when I did start, it was my goal to post at least once a week, Motivational Monday, although I wanted to post on Mondays as well as another day out of the week. I had a good schedule going for me and I had multiple blog post ideas planned out.

But, it’s been two months since my last post.

The past few months have been rough for me and I had a lot of shit going on. It felt like one negative thing after another and I couldn’t catch a break. On one hand, I did have a lot of things going on in my life but on the other hand, I also had a negative attitude about everything that was happening.

For starters, September 27, 2016. My Aunt Dee took her last breath and made her way to heaven, free from all her pain and free of cancer. I was on night shift at the time, and it was my day off. It was close to 5am when I got a call from my mom, they were on their way to Texas so I figured she was calling to let me know they were getting back on the road, but I was wrong. She was calling to let me know Dee was no longer with us. I immediately got into my car and drove to the Wal-Mart parking lot and cried. Once I got myself together I headed back home, showered, packed, and went to work to figure out the steps I needed to take so that I could go on leave and be with my family.

Dealing with Dee’s death sent me into a weird state of mind, I called it a quarter life crisis. But I think a better name would be an identity crisis. I started question a lot of things in my life.. like wether or not I believed in God, my relationship with Andrew, where I was going in life and what I wanted to do. I knew I had to make the effort to strengthen the relationship with my family and close friends, but that really hindered Andrew and I. I told him I wouldn’t have as much time for him and I put him on the back burner. Our relationship became really rocky but we stuck it out. Andrew stayed by my side through everything, never faultered, and tried to be anything and everything that I needed. Even when I pushed him away. I cannot thank him enough for that nor be able to express how grateful I am to have had him during that time.

A little while after Dee passed I had my yearly PT test for the Air Force, I failed. I ended up retesting 4 days later in an attempt to dismiss my failure and I failed again. On my way home from my test I got into a (minor) hit and run on the highway.  Minor none the less, it scared the shit outta me. A few days later, I got offered the opportunity to move into my first apartment but my supervisor said I wouldn’t be able to move out of the dorm until I had a passing PT test, which was another negative thing that I encountered.

All of this had happened within about a month and a half and then Andrew and I took a super mini vacation to Missouri for his sister’s quinceanera. It was a good weekend! On my drive back from Wichita to SA I was feeling really really good. I felt like I was finally past everything I had been going through the past few weeks and felt like Andrew and I were finally back to ourselves. I felt like we were in such a good place and I felt like I was ready to put all that negativity behind me and create my own happiness again. I felt so at peace.

Two weeks after Andrew and I went to Missouri I headed back to Wichita for Andrew’s 23rd birthday!!! I had been so so so excited for his birthday! I had gotten Andrew an iWatch for his birthday, something he had been wanting for so long! And I couldn’t wait to give it to him, I couldn’t wait to celebrate him, and I definitely couldn’t wait for the pregnancy prank I had planned to play on him!

I got to Andrew’s house on Friday, the day after Thanksgiving /his birthday. Andrew was at worked but he met us at his parents hotel when he got off. He showered and changed and then we headed to his grandparents house for cake and presents! I texted Andrew’s mom that I was going to play the pregnancy prank on him and she was so excited! Everybody knew about the prank except for Andrew and Andrew’s grandpa! The prank was pulled off perfectly and I got Andrew so damn good! It was awesome. After I told Andrew I was not really pregnant I gave him his actual iWatch! The next night Andrew was texting me at work about how he felt guilty about the gift I gave him. We talked when he got home from work and realized Andrew was not feeling the same as me, he didn’t feel like we were back to our orignal selves. We talked again Sunday morning before I headed home and decided we would stay together and try to figure things out.

Wednesday- November 30th, 2016. Andrew texted me that he still had heavy shoulders, and after more talking we broke up. (There will be a post in the future about our break up).

So, that’s where I’ve been. I wasn’t planning on posting again on here until the new year. Sort of like a re-launch and a fresh start. But I’m just feeling good. It’s been a little over a week since Andrew and I’s break up and I am doing well. Wayyyyy better than I thought I would be doing. And I’m proud of that. And I am happy.

I’m excited to get back on my grind and continue sharing my thoughts and writing with whoever is reading.

-M

 

 

 

 

 

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