This is a piece I wrote in the mists of my heartache. And while parts of this piece were inspired by true events and real people, there are also parts of this piece that are just good writing. (At least I think it’s good) This is a piece I am very proud of and I am finally ready to share it.
We could’ve been wonderful. We could’ve been magnificent. We could’ve set the world on fire. I would’ve given you everything I could, I would’ve given you the world. But it wasn’t enough for you. I wasn’t enough for you. I fought so hard to be enough, to change your mind. Why? For what? Why did I fight so hard and for so long for someone who was undeserving of me. Undeserving of my love. And who proved it to me over and over again? I continued to make excuses for you. I continued to believe and see the best in you. Despite what others said, despite what my head was telling me. And don’t get me wrong, you are an incredible guy and I am still deeply in love with you. You will always have a tiny piece of my heart. But I cannot continue to wait around for something that may not be mine, maybe you were never mine to begin with. We had a good run but we both saw this coming, didn’t we? I don’t understand why it is so incredibly hard to let go of something you know is no longer worth the effort. Someone who gave up on you so easily. Love really does make you crazy I guess. You will miss me, you will regret losing me. You will look back, maybe not for years, but eventually you will look back and realize you lost the best thing you had ever known. Your family will always ask about me. You won’t know what to say because we haven’t kept in touch. But every time you hear my name your heart will crack a little bit more. And you will never be whole again.
I am no longer angry or upset with you. It took a long time for me to be at peace with everything that has happened and the way everything unfolded. I have replaced the anger with joy, the sadness with smiles, and the bitterness with love.
I no longer will accept anyone or anything that is lower than my standards, thanks to you nonetheless. Thank you for raising the bar, forcing me to see what I deserve and being able to finally believe I deserve it.
I am an all in kinda girl. When I love, I love hard. And full. And passionate. The whole nine yards. One day I will find somebody who appreciates that. Someone whos effort matches mine. Half ass and temporary love is something I do not condone.
“She was a little all over the place, that was for sure. But the good news is that when she loved, she loved big. And if she loved you, you knew she loved you. You never had to wonder.”
So thank you, for being my first and hardest heart break. Introducing me to pain I did not know existed. For making me stronger that I have ever been before. And teaching me the worth of my self. I couldn’t have done it without you.