“My head screams to hate you but my heart just can’t hear.”
I know I am only seeing, writing, and feeling everything from my side of things. My side of the story. I’m sure if we told the same person everything that has happened, our stories would be completely different. I think because I know that, I am trying to be so understanding of where you are coming from and the reasoning behind your actions, and lack there of. But for now, I can only fo that from a far. Because even though I am trying to be understanding I am still hurting. I still have all these unsolved feelings and mixed emotions swirling around inside of me. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want to hurt you either. And communicating is only bring more pain, more heartache. We don’t know how to be friends without being a couple too, we don’t know how to conversate without bringing up negative feelings or situations, we don’t know how to keep it civil at this time.
Instead of being angry, pissed, upset at you or with you or how you’ve been acting I am choosing to let it go. Let go of the anger. The hurt. The shitty feelings you’ve brought me. Try not to take it personally when you are being ugly, for no reason.. or without any explanation of why you’re acting that way. I am trying to realize that you are hurting too, just as much as me. Realize that this is not easy for either of us. I am just going to live and enjoy my life. And give you the time and space to do the same. I am trying to let go of the disappointment I have. Let go of everything that has happened between then and now. Start fresh. I don’t want to continue carrying around all these sad and negative emotions. So I am going to attempt to look at things through your eyes, see your point of view, really understand where you are coming from. I am going to look at things with open eyes, a fresh heart, and a new mind. And whatever happens, I will accept.
My head is screaming to hate you, but my heart just can’t hear. And for now, that’s okay. I am choosing to listen to my heart. I choose the good.