The during.

“When you can tell your story and it doesn’t make you cry or angry, you know you’ve been healed.” 

I have been feeling pretty uninspired this past week, struggling to find something to write about. I’ve been waiting for inspiration to hit me. Something I see, something I read, something I hear. And nothing has really stuck out to me too much.

And then yesterday I got a notification on my phone from the ‘Sprinkle of Jesus’ app with the quote listed above. When the notification first popped up I didn’t really pay much attention to it, just breezed over the words and that was it. I read it a few more times throughout the day and kept the notification on my phone. Every time I swipe down on my home screen I see the quote, and it’s felt more relatable each time I read it. So here I am, writing about it.

I remember writing a post a little over a month ago talking about all the thoughts and feelings I was having towards everything going on in my life (The Before).  This post was a letter to myself, sort of my future self? It was a pep talk, something for me to go and look back on when I was having a bad day. Something I could go and reread when I was finally on the other side, when I was healed. Reading the quote I wrote above immediately (once the words sat with for a while) brought me back to that post. And it’s been sitting in my mind for the past 33 hours. Don’t get me wrong, I am farrrrrrrr from healed. I still cry and I still get angry. But not nearly as often. And when I start to feel those emotions I am able to talk them out and work through them. I am slowly beginning to realize that talking about things really does help! It’s amazing to me the difference I feel in my entire mental and physical being once I discuss whatever is bothering me. It’s like I’m releasing it into the universe and the feelings are no longer mine to have.

Like I said, I am no wear near being healed. But I am getting there. Making progress. Taking the correct steps in the right direction. And that is something to be damn proud of. To look back at the way I was feeling just over a month ago, to the way I am feeling now is incredible and I am so thankful to be in a much better place emotionally.

I originally named this blog post, “You know you’ve been healed” but I think a much better and much more appropriate name would be “The During” because I am not healed. I am still in the process. I am looking forward to the day when I can finally write “The After” post. But until then, I will keep my head up and stay smiling because life is what you make it and I am making meine one hell of a ride.



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