Ugh.

“Confidence is not something that you have, it’s something that you are.” 

I titled this blog “Ugh.” because that is how I am feeling.

This is something that’s been on my mind very recently, back and forth for a little bit. But it’s really been sitting on my mind a lot today. Confidence. I remember writing a few times this year about how since my break up, I feel like my confidence has sky rocketed. And I fucking love that. No matter what I was wearing or what I looked like at that currently moment, almost every time I looked in the mirror I loved what I saw. I was so happy with all the growth and changes I was making in my life and I was really really happy. I felt like I was constantly glowing. Confidence is something I’ve lacked and struggled with for a very very long time. I remember the first time I started feeling self-conscious was in the 6th grade…. that was YEARS ago. And it’s something I still struggle with now. But recently, I don’t know. Part of me feels like all the progress I’ve made within the last 4-5 months has been shot down the drain. It’s something I’m struggling with a lot and I am not a fan of it. I am not okay with it. I’m not sure what I’m going to do about it, because I’m not sure WHAT to do about it… which is frustrating.

I guess for now I’ll still continue to stay true to who I am. Remember that this is a journey and it will have bumps in the road. And it doesn’t matter if anybody else likes you, as long as you like yourself. So I will continue being the happy, positive, radiate women I know I am and build myself back up each and every day. I’ll be my own cheerleader, my own lover, my own supporter. Because nobody can do the job better than I can and nobody is going to care as much as I will. Eventually I’ll find my way back.

P.S. I know this is not a typical post I would write but like I’ve recently realized; writing is my sanctuary. And I need sleep. I will sleep much better having this off of my chest and out of my mind. Writing is the best way for me to do that. It’s like a breath of fresh air. So, Goodnight lovelies ✨

-M

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