Wednesday morning I got “into it” a little bit with one of my fellow co-workers. There was three people talking and I sort of jumped in the conversation with a question. The four of us were all conversing and things between myself and the other female got a little heated (apparently). From my stand point, I was just having a conversation with her. I don’t think I understood what she was trying to say and I don’t think she understood what I was trying to say, either way. It wasn’t a big deal to me. Until, a sergeant approached us and told us we needed to talk the situation elsewhere where it wouldn’t be out in the open and where the students couldn’t see, I was like ??? and the female I was talking with turned to the sergeant and said, “I don’t know why she’s even talking to me because I wasn’t talking to her.” Which just sort of made me chuckle like girl come on now. Anyway, I went on with the rest of my day like normal until around 3pm when one of my higher up supervisors asked to speak with me privately.
Apparently the female from earlier n the day had gone to him and told him about what had happened, saying I was being rude and disrespectful and that I was trying to tell her how to do her job. *rolls eyes*. Anyway, that wasn’t even the issue. This supervisor told me I just need to be cautious of what I say and how I say things to certain individuals, everybody takes things differently. He kept telling me he doesn’t care if we like each other as long as we can work together and get the job done. He said people have personality clashes and especially the individual from that morning clashed with a lot of other people we worked with. Again, none of this was what bothered me. This supervisor continued to go and tell me that he hears me talking sometimes and that I can talk down on people, sometimes maybe make them feel stupid, or whatever the case may be. I have very thick skin and I do not get offended easily but this REALLY offended me. I’m sure anybody who knows me in real life and anybody who reads my blog posts would vouch and say that I try to simply be a good person. I have especially been focusing on becoming that person through the first 5 months of this new year and being kind and positive is something I preach like the gospel. So to hear someone tell me something completely opposite of that, really irked me. Definitely made me feel some type of way.
The conversation ended and I went back to work. I caught myself more than once that afternoon saying something to somebody and then thinking, “hmm.. maybe that was rude” or “maybe I shouldn’t say that”. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a perfect person. And honestly I LOVE to talk shit. But to my friends, we all love to give each other a hard time and “roast” each other. It makes work fun and enjoyable and nobody ever takes things to heart. I realized that maybe my supervisor had a point, BUT I wasn’t just talking down to people to be mean or hateful. I was messing around and joking with my friends. But to an outside ear, to somebody who doesn’t know our dynamic in the work place or the things we say to each other on a daily basis, it could be perceived in the wrong manner.
Whether my supervisor just perceived it wrong, or he actually thinks I talk that way on purpose is not the point. The point is perception is everything, if you’re in the military you hear that saying allll the freakin time. The point is to be aware. The point is to be a good person. Be a good person but don’t spend time proving it. I’ve thought a lot the past day and a half of whether I really believed I am a good person or not. What my supervisor said to me really got inside my head. But my answer is yes, I am a good person. I care of my friends and so dearly. I am grateful for each and everyday and I genuinely love having a smile on my face. I LOVE laughing. I love cracking jokes. And I love having a good time.
I know that I can’t please everybody (e.i. the female from my Wednesday morning story) but that’s okay. You will never be able to please everybody, but you can always please yourself. The female from the story doesn’t matter in my story so honestly her opinion of me is irrelevant. And although I respect my supervisors (and obviously don’t want them to view me as a shitbag) their opinion is kind of irrelevant too. I know who I am, I know the kind of person I am. And the people around me, the people who are important to me know too. And that’s really all that matters.
“Be a good person, but don’t waste your time proving it to people.”