I always catch myself saying, “life has a funny way of working out.” And today is no different. Just a few days ago I posted about how uninspired I’ve been, how I’m stuck in this “grey area” and this morning I woke up feeling the total opposite of that. Well actually, it kind of started yesterday. But we’ll use Monday as a fresh start. Day 1.
Over the past few months I have been going through a lot of, for lack of a better word, shit. Just personally, mentally, emotionally. It has been exhausting and I am exhausted. I have not been feeling like myself, acting like myself, or performing like myself. I’ve been in a slump that’s effected my every day mood, effected my performance and attitude at work, and the overall persona I give off to others. I feel like all the self-improvement and self-growth I’ve developed since the beginning of the year has disappeared as if it never existed. And I am not okay with that. I worked my ass off to get to a place in my life that I had never been before and I want to get back there. I NEED to get back there. For myself, for my relationships, for my mental health and my happiness. I need to. And I know it’s not going to happen overnight. I know it’ll take time and effort. Patience and persistence. There will be bad days and setbacks. It won’t be easy. Honestly, it’s going to be really fucking hard.
I think of it like running; when you’ve been running for a while and you’ve got your miles built up, your legs are used to the burn, your lungs are used to the harsh winds, and your mind can convince your body that you’re not tired, that you don’t need a break, that you can absolutely keep going. When all of these things have happened running becomes easier because it is more enjoyable. It becomes a challenge against yourself rather than just a flat out challenge. Because you’re “in shape”. The frustrating thing about running (and ask any runner, I guarantee you they will agree) is that you can take ONE day off and the next time you hit the street, it feels like all your hard work has vanished. It feels like you’ve never ran a day in your life. You can barely make it to half a mile. And that’s how I feel about my current situation, about my self-growth throughout this year. I don’t know if I just took a break or I let an outside factor tear me down, honestly it’s probably a bit of both, but I feel out of shape. I feel like I haven’t ran a day in my life. It is hard to get to half a mile. My whole body feels heavy, my feet are dragging, and I can barely catch my breath. But I’m ready to kick my own ass into gear and get back to where I was. Back to where running (but I really mean my life in general) is only a challenge against myself, not just a challenge. Back to where it’s enjoyable.
It’s day 1. Today I start focusing on myself and my own goals. Getting better every day. Stop comparing myself to anybody other than the person I was yesterday. Because that’s really all that matters. Cut out all the bullshit; the things and the people that do not matter. Be kind. Be humble. Be hungry. Be confident. Be the best version of myself. And be happy along the way.
Go out there and grab whatever your heart desires.