Expectations lead to disappointments

“Expectations often lead to disappointments. Just let it flow.” 

(but maybe that’s not a bad thing)

I don’t want to start off another blog post with, “I know it’s been forever since I’ve written and posted. I can’t believe I’ve been gone for so long but I am back and ready to kick some ass!” But I just did exactly that so let’s move on.

What I really wanna start with is, “Damn… how is it already JULY?!”. This year has been flying by, just like last year, I seriously feel like it was just February or March. Life sure is crazy.

As I drove into work one morning earlier this week I was thinking about some different blog post ideas I wanted to write about. I put on my list “Begin your ‘2018 recap’ blog” and wanted to kind of do a mid- year recap,  but in a different way.

One of my biggest goals and something I pride myself on is being completely and totally authentic. So let me be real with yall. I had HIGH expectations for this year. And I was HIGHLY disappointed for a long time. It felt like one thing after another was just not going my way.

I had all these expectations for how this year would go. 2017 was one of the most transformational years of my life and it turned out to be one of the greatest. When the new year rolled around I was sure 2018 was going to be MY year. Definitely one for the books. So as the first few months of 2018 flew by with let down after let down I started to feel really agitated and defeated. I felt like nothing was going as planned, the universe must have it out for me, and threw myself a 3 month long pity party.

Lucky for me though I am very good at finding the silver lining. So that’s what I did.

Black-and-white-flowers-tumblr-transparent-12

My biggest stresser this year was my registry. I spent the entire month of January studying my ass off for my National X-Ray Registry Exam just to fail it. By two points. I was devastated, pissed off, and completely embarrassed. I’ve been an x-ray tech for over three years and I still failed the first time around- like that is totally embarrassing. I was coming down so hard on myself and was just extremely pissed off. On the 27th of January I wrote the following in one of my journals;

Jounral entry- failed registry

After I let myself cry, pout, and sit in sadness I knew there was only one option. Hit the books again, reschedule the test, retake the test, PASS the test, and move on. And that’s exactly what I did. After I got over the disappointment and frustration I slowly (very slowly) began to feel grateful for the opportunity to grow. I would have loved to have passed the first time, save 6 weeks of study time, and $250. BUT, I don’t think I would have appreciate the sweet celebration as much. Passing on my second attempt really made me appreciate the hard work I’d put into passing and I knew I had truly earned it. It wasn’t a pass by lucky or chance. It was truly mine. And not a single soul could take that away from me. I was also able to learn from this experience. It allowed me to take a step back, grow, practice discipline, and now it’s given me a lesson I can use to help others. That’s a win in my book. Black-and-white-flowers-tumblr-transparent-12

Last November (2017) I decided I wanted to go to Ultrasound school and April (2018) time frame was looking pretty sweet. I talked with my supervisor and she was all for it! And then my leadership turned me down and told me I had to wait. Their reason for putting my desire on hold was one I did not agree with but at the end of the day, it wasn’t my decision. And so now I wait. (But don’t worry, April 2019 ya girl better be going to Ultrasound school).

I was so set on going in April of this year because the timing would have worked out perfectly in which I would not have to reenlist or extended my enlistment contract at all. It would get out of the department I was currently in, and it would hopefully get me out of Texas a lot sooner (ya girl is sooo ready for a change). But because I was told I have to wait awhile to leave new opportunities presented themselves. Now I am in a leadership position in my department that I am actually enjoying way more than I thought I would. I feel like I’m actually doing something important and I’m learning something new each day. Work is no longer a chore I hate, it’s just a regular chore. *insert wink* And more leadership oppertunities continue to present themselves which is forcing me to learn and grow as a person, airman, and leader immensely. It’s also given me time to think about “what I wanna do when I grow up”. And after 22 years, I think I’ve finally figured it out which is utterly exciting. But I’m not going to share anything about that until the ball is officially rolling. Black-and-white-flowers-tumblr-transparent-12

Then I got my wisdom teeth out, for some odd reason I was excited which was an idiotic mistake, because the surgery took me out a lot harder and for a lot longer than I anticipated. And I’m still have odd issues, trying to make a full recovery. I lowkey regret even having them taken out. 0/10 do not recommend.

But Andrew and Bella camped out on the living room floor with me the entire week after my surgery. Andrew waited on me head and foot and I’m so thankful I had him there. It allowed me to appreciate all he does for when it can sometimes go unnoticed during busy phases of life. It also forced me to accept that sometimes I need help. I am so independent that it;s often hard for me to ask for help, let alone accept the offer when it’s there. Shoutout to Andrew for putting up with the crazy sickness and bird-killling bad breath. You a real one! Black-and-white-flowers-tumblr-transparent-12

And then Staff promotion testing was just bad timing. I got my wisdom teeth out on the 4th of May and tested for Staff on the 8th. I was in an incredible amount of pain and doped up on pain pills. My only concern was rushing through my test so I could get home and rest. In turn, my chances of promoting this year are probably slim.

Everybody just expects I’m going to be promoted so if I don’t make it, it’ll be a hit to my ego. Promotions results don’t come out until the end of August and whether I promote or not, I will be happy. I’ll figure it out, and I’ll keep moving forward. But I’ll keep you posted when the time comes. Black-and-white-flowers-tumblr-transparent-12

The whole point of this blog post is that expectations usually do lead to disappointment, but maybe that’s not a bad thing. It’s okay to get knocked down sometimes, as long as you don’t allow yourself to stay down. It’s okay to fail as long as you keep going until you succeed. It’s okay for things to end up completely different that you wanted or imagined. You have to learn to adapt and over come! The first three months of this year I was drowning in an all-consuming negative mindset- feeling like that was my reality and 2018 was just going to suck. Plain and simple. As if I couldn’t do anything about it. BUT I COULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! And I did. So many good things have happened in the last 6 months. You’ll have to wait another 6 months to read about all of them but I promise, good things are coming. I whole heartedly believe that.


-Spread kindness, love, & gratitude like wildfire.

 

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